Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Rejection: Observations and Solutions

Observations

I have observed through my own life and the life of others that rejection SUCKS. We all go through it, some much more than others. The worst thing about rejection is what it creates. That creation is called fear. After enough rejection anybody will be paralyzed. It seems so automatic..our subconscious seems to have stored all the negative experiences we have been through and when something comes up that triggers that past event we automatically tense up and shut down like Daewoo car factory…This fear causes us to miss out on opportunities that are set up to take us to the next level in our lives…our destiny is postponed or derailed..and the list goes on and on…Another observation I have made about rejection is that is causes us to stay in bad situations…out of fear of rejection we will put up with relationships and circumstances that are damaging to us rather than step out and face the world… We feel a false sense safety and acceptance in these situations therefore remain even to our own detriment.

I have felt much rejection in my life…don’t get me wrong I have had love…..family friends..etc etc…and thank God because if I didn’t have that I would have went coo coo….most of my rejection has come from wanting a woman more than she has wanted me, failed sporting activities and many other things that we all go through…I know my issues are not near the worst I have heard and seen from very close friends and family but the fact is we get that same feeling and develop the same kind of fears as a result.


Solutions

I will give some keys that I am currently using to overcome rejection..I don’t not claim to be an expert and I am still in the process of being healed from my past rejections but I have made some progress with these tips:


1. Love yourself and die to yourself at the same time. What? Yes the bible says to love your neighbor as you love yourself..Hating yourself and being extra negative will never change a thing so quit the pity party…Likewise if you die to yourself , you won't fear or be worried about the opinions of others…what does a dead man have to fear? Nothing…...some people think Kanye West is extremely arrogant…..well in some ways he is..but I think he has just had to deal with a lot of rejection in his life and he refuses to let others or circumstances stand in his way….and guess what? It worked…..I feel many people are uncomfortable with him because they can't be like him....the darkness flees from the light.....we choose to live in our funk and blame others….. The only way that you can truly do the above is to encounter Jesus on a continual basis…looking at him will transform you from the inside out…You will feel his love for you and therefore love yourself and others more…you will realize that although Jesus would have still died on the cross even if you were the only sinner ever, that you are not the center of the universe ,He is, thus you will die to your selfish ambitions…this doesn’t mean you become a robot but it does mean you have a more fulfilled life, I promise you that…



2. If you were rejected because of a changeable truth...meaning someone rejected you for a reason that is true but it is something that you could change about your self or a situation......Realize this and change....if you choose to stay the same and rejection continues don’t blame others..


3. If you are rejected because of something you have no control over and can not change. Accept who you are or the situation and make the best out of it. Process the truth and accept it so you can gain power over it, therefore no one else can use it against you.


4.Sowing and reaping, Karma....the golden rule..etc etc..you know.....
I have noticed that some of the rejection I have recently received mirrored very closely to the rejection I had given... for example........Recently over the last year I have discovered I am not as cool as I thought I was....I thought I was Mr. people person and that every one loved me...at least they loved me in the way I thought they should....well I noticed I wasn’t being invited to certain events, not asked to participate in certain activities and not being called back. These were all things I would have sworn no body would forget to tell me about...well it was happening and I was seriously butt hurt...I tried in every way to figure out why these people had forgotten about me or not called me back....at the end of my massive pontification I realized the finger pointed back to me.........As much as a people person as I thought I was...I have actually spent much time alienating myself from others......often I wouldn't call people back often,...I wouldn't stay in contact with people etc etc etc...
So I realized that the same stuff that was being done to me..I did to others and often..now I thought I had my reasons...I was going through hard times etc etc..but that doesn’t count...relationships are a two way street..and although in life you will have friends and circumstances that will always favor you...most of the time..life isn’t as fair...

5. Check yourself...and you won’t get butt-hurt when someone else tries to check you... You have to keep it real with yourself..most people seem to avoid the hardest thing which most of the time is dealing with themselves...we all need to have our ego's popped every now and then...but its good...because if you can make an honest assessment about your self...you are now empowered..why, because now you are not deceived and have the ability to make changes....so if some one rejects you because of a flaw you have it wont bother you as much because you know about it and are in the process of changing it.....

This is something I have been doing with significant success. If you ask God to show you the areas you could work on he will get right to the root and show you....Once I lay it on the table between God and me it is there...I know he forgives me and loves me despite my weakness and with his help I can change...so If some one rejects me because of some character flaw I become more motivated to change it......


Conclusion
If you noticed all the above suggestions had to deal with stuff you have to do...no body else is responsible for your progress in life...you can not be worried about what others have done and are doing to you...I know that can be hard...but the sooner you learn that the freer(is that a word?) you will be!!!


Just some ideas that were in my head…maybe I am wrong, please let me know…… Just in case I didn’t help anybody with the post there is a link to an expert that I know will help you greatly. It is a teaching called " In a Heartbeat,The secret to altering your state is to alter the meaning you attach to events" …I suggest you download the teaching and take some time out to listen to it and ponder about how you can change…if you like the first teaching you can purchase the remaining 3 mp3 or cd's at this website...at first the teaching might seem not to have anything to do with rejection but it does, so hang in there and listen to it all.

This first link is a sample or description of what the teaching is about..and the second link is a free download to part 1 of the teaching.

Click here for overview of teaching, it will ask you to register but you don't have too, just click "register later."

*For all my people who I love dearly who are not regular Church goers or bible readers you may hear things you don't understand but just ask God to clarify it for you.

After you listen to the above link click here to download for free part 1 of the whole teaching...you have to fill out a user form but it is free..just complete the whole process

THIS STUFF WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE IF YOU APPLY IT.......THE KEY..YOU HAVE TO APPLY IT...

I would love to know your thoughts or opinions on what I write so please leave a comment.

3 comments:

Torey said...

It's good to see you write about this topic especially since I've received a grand share of rejection in my life. But more so, with your current situation and all (you know what I'm sayin!) knowing that you're not necessarily sulking in rejection means your defenses are definitely a whole lot stronger! Besides, you're God's SON! If the entire world rejects you (not likely) you'll still have someone GREATER inside you. But for real, we need each other to help reveal things that we usually don't perceive about ourselves. I better quit while I'm at work!!! LOL!

Anna Gutierrez said...

"out of fear of rejection we will put up with relationships and circumstances that are damaging to us rather than step out and face the world"... This is me, unfortunately. This blog has helped me realize that I need to work on myself.

Anonymous said...

Very nice ....looks like your in your healing process and moving your way to the top...Way to go! =)